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Thread: Untenable

  1. #1
    DQ 1337 Member Ducky's Avatar
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    Default Untenable

    [So I had to write a second-person narrative for my creative writing class and I was like "Oh I'll do something kinda in the style of, say, Varth's story. Then I wrote it.

    Then I was like "Hey I want to see where this is actually going" so I'm putting it here and we can explore it at our own leisurely frantic pace.]


    UNTENABLE

    USUALLY BY DWIGHT PEROT

    > BEGIN JOURNEY

    You are in a ROOM. The WALLS are gray and cold. Something is dripping on your ARM from the CEILING. It feels icy but leaves red spots on your skin where it lands. You recoil from the source of the DRIPPING and take full stock of your surroundings.

    There is a TARNISHED BRONZE MIRROR on the NORTH WALL of the ROOM. The letter X, or perhaps an X symbol, or perhaps just a PAIR OF INTERSECTING LINES, or maybe the Greek letter CHI, or a DOUBLE-SHARP ACCIDENTAL has been scrawled in what seems to be charcoal on the surface of the MIRROR.

    The EAST WALL has four parallel SLOTS, reaching from about a foot off the ground to about the height of your EYES. SUNLIGHT streams in through these thin openings, spaced roughly a forearmís length apart. They remind you of the TURRETS of a CASTLE. Youíre not sure where you saw a CASTLE before, or even if you ever have.

    The CEILING has a GRATE from which no light emanates. The cold, clear liquid is dripping from the corner of the GRATE.

    The FLOOR is cold and covered in LICHENS. There is a patch of floor devoid of life beneath the GRATE.

    The SOUTH WALL is marred only by one REINFORCED DOOR. You are unsure of whether or not it is locked.

    From the WEST WALL, a liquid seeps out of a PIPE. Similarly to the spot underneath the GRATE, there is a patch of floor devoid of LICHENS where the liquid reaches the floor.

    What will you do?

    > Make a mental note of the X/X/lines/chi/accidental

    Done, done, done, done and done.

    > Try the door

    Fortunately for your limited tolerance for adventuring tropes, it appears to be unlocked.

    > Before you go, take a look through one of the slots

    There is a massive forest full of fog stretching out ahead of you. In the distance, two mountain peaks frame the rising sun.

    > Oh! Oh! Put the tarnished mirror underneath the dripping grate!

    You remove the TARNISHED BRONZE MIRROR from the NORTH WALL and lay it on the ground below the GRATE. The killer liquid begins to form a puddle on its surface. The SYMBOL begins to smudge, and visible vapors rise from the surface of the TARNISHED BRONZE MIRROR. If it is having the desired effect, you will have to wait a while before checking on it.

    > Alright, letís take a look outside of the room.

    You step cautiously into the HALLWAY. Light bleeds softly from the MIRROR ROOM into the HALLWAY, but other than that there is no source of light in the large corridor. You are alone, but you hear a faint scraping.

    > Donít ignore the faint scraping. Donít forget your adventuring tropes.

    You add this to your rapidly growing list of notes to self.

    > Wait, which directions does this hallway go?

    If the door leading SOUTH exited into the hallway, then it should be EAST and WEST, right?

    > Can you go east? Why is there even an east part of the hallway? The east wall of the room you were just in was an outer wall.

    Okay, nobody panic. The laws of space are being defied. You note to not interact with the rift in space-time. To do this, you make sure to not go east.

    > Go east

    You walk several feet to the east before walking into a WALL. It would help if there was light here.

    > Go west

    You proceed to go west. You walk a decent distance, the light from the MIRROR ROOM becoming more and more distant. Suddenly there is no ground underneath you.

    > Flee from the rift in space-time!

    This is no RIFT IN SPACE-TIME. It is a STAIRCASE. You tumble to the bottom and find yourself in a large, torch-lit FOYER.

    > Torches are creepy

    This

    This isnít even a suggestion.

    > Where are the doors?

    In every direction except EAST, since EAST leads back up the STAIRCASE.

    > Open the south door

    You open the SOUTH DOOR. A FIGURE that seems VAGUELY HUMAN to you and yet COMPLETELY DIMENSIONALLY INSCRUTABLE flashes briefly in your vision.

    > Run!

    Which way?

    > Away!

    You flee from the narrow corridor to the SOUTH, retreating up the stairs. A faint WHISPERING can be heard behind you, increasing in volume.

    > Into the mirror room!

    Actually you were thinking you would just run into the WALL at the end of the HALLWAY.

    You duck into the MIRROR ROOM.

    > Close the door!

    You slam the heavy DOOR shut and something clicks. On a hunch you try the DOORKNOB to find that you are now locked in.

    > Well, youíre safe. Check the mirror.

    The TARNISHED BRONZE MIRROR has made most of the transformation into a BRONZE MIRROR while you were running from an INSCRUTABLE HORROR. You see your reflection for the first time; however, when you look away, you cannot remember your own FACE. On the bright side, a NAME has come to mind and unless someone else steps forward to claim it, you will assume it belongs to you.

    GEOFF.

    Geoff: > Figure out how to pronounce your name

    Presumably like ďJeff.Ē

    The trickle from the PIPE on the WEST WALL suddenly begins to be a full flow. Killer liquid begins to spread across the FLOOR full-force. You figure it can reach the height of the SLOTS before its natural drainage through them steadies it. You donít particularly fancy being shin-deep in the stuff.


    Alright, kiddies. From now on, the fate of Geoff is in your hands.

    don't worry varth i ain't tryin to take your jam this ain't going to even compare in awesomeness to your story
    Meet Hot Singles Standing Right Behind You

  2. #2
    New member ASaluteToYou's Avatar
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    Geoff: >Inspect the grates on the ceiling again. There might be something you missed on the first go-around. Also, check the door over again- adventure tropes dictate that there might be a puzzle on it or something.

  3. #3
    DQ 1337 Member Ducky's Avatar
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    Geoff: > Check the grate more closely

    You hop up and grab the GRATE, which is mostly dry. It doesn't seem to be anchored down. If it weren't so high up that you are now hanging from it, you think you could lift it up and climb into whatever room is above. You look up to see that whatever room is above you is large.

    The killer liquid on the FLOOR has now reached every wall and is now slowly rising.
    Meet Hot Singles Standing Right Behind You

  4. #4
    New member Etr1us1029's Avatar
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    Dang it! All of these 2nd person narratives are making me want to start one but that would cause a lot of confusion. X_x

  5. #5
    Apostolic Moderator Diplomacy Domination VictoryOne Time Chess ChampionDiplomacy Domination Victory Varthonai's Avatar
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    Geoff: Try to dislodge the grate slightly by throwing a heavy object up into it. See if you can get one of its edges visible.

    part two in progress
    current update: save the cat that you maimed

  6. #6
    DQ 1337 Member Ducky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Etr1us1029 View Post
    Dang it! All of these 2nd person narratives are making me want to start one but that would cause a lot of confusion. X_x
    Trust me man, 2 text adventures + one picturey one that never updates for reasons is nothing.

    Geoff: > Try to throw a heavy object at the grate; see if you can get an edge visible.

    There are no OBJECTS in this room. It is a fairly uninteresting room to start a TEXT-BASED ADVENTURE in, truthfully. The AUTHOR is surely turning BEET-RED as he realizes his grave mistake.

    There is of course the BRONZE MIRROR below your FEET. You drop down and the soles of your SHOES hiss when they meet the liquid. Maybe standing in this stuff is a bad idea. You reach down for the BRONZE MIRROR and feel a stinging on your HANDS, realizing too late that the mirror is of course covered in the stuff.

    Since the BRONZE MIRROR is a bit large for throwing, you figure you can just use it to reach up and nudge the GRATE out of the way. You test your theory and find that you are ONE HUNDRED PERCENT CORRECT.

    Geoff: > Go go go!

    You go go go up, squeezing through the narrow OPENING. As you do, you let go of the BRONZE MIRROR, since it will not fit through the OPENING, and you hear it splash into the substance below.

    You hear the screech of metal sliding across stone coming from somewhere in the room that you just exited.
    Meet Hot Singles Standing Right Behind You

  7. #7
    Apostolic Moderator Diplomacy Domination VictoryOne Time Chess ChampionDiplomacy Domination Victory Varthonai's Avatar
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    Geoff: Examine new surroundings.

    part two in progress
    current update: save the cat that you maimed

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