Altruism is dead.

[Victory]

Forgive the title, I'm in a morbid state of mind; this will not be another thread where someone does something discriminating or stupid to ruin the lives of everyone else, it is a reflection of my emotional state and nothing else.

Today, on my way to work, I was informed via text message by my mother that Åsa Bränström - an old, very dear friend of my family - died in the emergency ward at the hospital recently due to a fatal disease she had been fighting all her life. The disease crippled her immune system, made her lethally vulnerable to cold, but above all manifested itself in her bone structure, causing severe chronic pain in her limbs. In the end, all of her fingers had been amputated to little knobs, and she lost her right leg all the way up to her knee, and her left foot, and it was the feet that finally broke her spirit.

For the past 2 years we've had very little contact with her, despite our best attempts. After she lost her feet she just withdrew and isolated herself, speaking only with her mother, and finally died and was buried without our awareness; we who considered her family.

Åsa was one of the best people I've ever known, and defined my view of altruism, and she's just gone. She never missed a single birthday, namesday, or assorted holiday occassion that I held important as a child - a feat she also managed for every single member of my immediate family - and would spend the last cents of her insultingly miniscule pension checks on a card to wish me happiness. She was always smiling, always laughing, constantly caring about everyone she held dear despite being in constant physical, psychological agony her entire life.

I'm so angry and regretfull. I've tried to contact her several times over the past 2 years to tell her how much she meant to me, and how highly I cherished her friendship, and now I'll never even know if she got my messages, if she even knew how important she was to me, to all of us. I feel so ungrateful, I feel as it though I took her pressence in my life for granted for not trying harder.

Åsa is only person who I honestly think expressed and practiced genuine altrium, and the world is a much darker place without her and I just can't cope with that right now. I need time to reflect on this and don't know if I'll be available for a while, so don't depend on it.

Take care, and take care of someone else while you're at it.

[Oscar]

It probably doesn't sound as much but, I'm sincerely sorry for your loss my friend. People like her definitely makes the world a better place. Even though I didn't know her directly, your description makes me sure she was a fantastic person.

Just take all the time in the world, we'll be around if you need it.

[Shinoi]

I am genuinly saddened by what I heard. She must have been a wonderful person. Take your time to overcome sadness and we'll be here for you whenever you need us.
Stay strong, Vic.

[BlueLily]

I'm so sorry to hear this, my condolenses.

[Kreekakon]

For the past 2 years we've had very little contact with her, despite our best attempts. After she lost her feet she just withdrew and isolated herself, speaking only with her mother, and finally died and was buried without our awareness; we who considered her family.

I can understand how this makes you feel so guilty over all this. Something so big happening to someone so close without you even knowing can really impact you with a feeling that makes you feel like you haven't been following their lives closely enough.

I'm so angry and regretfull. I've tried to contact her several times over the past 2 years to tell her how much she meant to me, and how highly I cherished her friendship, and now I'll never even know if she got my messages, if she even knew how important she was to me, to all of us.

I feel so ungrateful, I feel as it though I took her pressence in my life for granted for not trying harder.

I know me saying this probably won't help you much in your current state of mind, but if you really did try as hard as you said previously, then you've already proven to yourself that you didn't take her presence for granted. You tried your best to do it, and even though it didn't come through in the end, the fact that you had tried your best means you should have no reason to feel guilty.

But still, I understand that time may be the only true remedy for you here. Logic won't change that. Just know that we'll always be here if you need us. Stay strong Vic

[RustyMagnum]

Stay strong, my man. Stay strong.

[DrunkCat]

I've tried to contact her several times over the past 2 years to tell her how much she meant to me, and how highly I cherished her friendship, and now I'll never even know if she got my messages, if she even knew how important she was to me, to all of us. I feel so ungrateful, I feel as it though I took her pressence in my life for granted for not trying harder.

She did get those messages. Besides, do you really want her to be responsible for your anger and regret? I'm most certain she'd rather be responsible for reminding you of the good things someone is capable of.

[BoneyHead95]

I can only wish you the very best of luck. I found it very hard not to cry at this thread. It must be hell what your going threw right now but Stay strong.

[Rimmy]

I'm sorry for your loss, I hope you'll be able to feel better soon

[Cajolocs]

I am very sorry for our loss. This woman, by the way you spoke, seemed to me as an amazing person, and the world is indeed a darker place without her.
Nothing that I say can make things go back, but I hope I can help.

I don't know you very well, but I've always respected your oppinions, and most of the time, you seem to be right. You too are a great person, so don't beat yourself up.

Namaste...

[Rockonman]

Åsa is only person whom I honestly think expressed and practiced genuine altrium, and the world is a much darker place without her and I just can't cope with that right now. I need time to reflect on this and don't know if I'll be available for a while, so don't depend on it.

Take care, and take care of someone else while you're at it.

Take all the time you need. Death is never easy to grasp or comprehend, and it's never easy losing someone as important to you as that. Other than that, it's almost impossible for me to know what to say, especially since I don't know you and the person you lost. Just know that you have my sympathies.

[Varthonai]

She did get those messages. Besides, do you really want her to be responsible for your anger and regret? I'm most certain she'd rather be responsible for reminding you of the good things someone is capable of.

This.

I don't have any other words. She will be in my thoughts forever now. Thank you for sharing this deeply personal story, Vic.

Hugs, whenever you're in the mood for them.

[Sirrin Nacht]

She sounds like one of those wonderful people who no matter how long they're with you, it's never long enough. Just knowing people like that exist gives one hope. My sincerest condolences.

[Tyemdi]

Sorry about this Vic. I'm pretty sure she's in a better place now. I hope this doesn't sound cliched even to you.

Don't worry. You will have a chance to say how you felt when you too eventually leave this world at the correct time.

Åsa is only person who I honestly think expressed and practiced genuine altrium, and the world is a much darker place without her.

World's a bitch. It randomly kills good people for no reason as well as the bad.

[Victory]

Don't worry. You will have a chance to say how you felt when you too eventually leave this world at the correct time.

I don't believe in the afterlife, and you projecting your belief onto my grief is both disrespectful and insulting. I have no problem with you saying she's in better place, but don't sow seeds of deceit by telling me I will see her again so I don't have to cope with my sadness or accept the fact that she's dead. I'm not in a stable emotional position and keeping myself from snapping at your comment is literally exhausting; an exertion that strikes me as very unnecessary so I will not extend this patience beyond this comment. The next person who wants to belittle my sadness in favour of denial will know fully well how offensive I feel it is.

[Tyemdi]

Victory, I didn't know that and I wasn't trying to belittle you- I thought maybe my comment will bring you some comfort (obviously not). I'm sorry if you found that offensive. It's just that well, I may not be the best person to turn to when someone's lost someone important to them.

[Rabbi106]

I guess I've never had to experience the death of a close family member or friend, so I can only imagine how much this must suck for you. I really am sorry for your loss. However, I don't think that altruism is dead. While it is true that it has become increasingly rare, people still give to charity all the time. I'm not trying to argue or anything, I'm just pointing out that not all hope is lost. Don't lose hope, Vic. Sometimes hope is all you have.

[Victory]

However, I don't think that altruism is dead. While it is true that it has become increasingly rare, people still give to charity all the time.

Giving to charity is not the same as altruism. In fact, giving to corporate charity is quite often a selfish practice, and is about as removed from altruism as you get.

I'm not trying to argue or anything, I'm just pointing out that not all hope is lost. Don't lose hope, Vic. Sometimes hope is all you have.

Hope of what? No, I'm serious, I'm not trying to be a pessimistic asshole here; what exactly are you thinking I'm hoping for? A resurrection?

[DrunkCat]

I always like hope for some Thai Doughnuts. Those things are delicious.

[BlueLily]

I have a few experiences with death in family and friends and usually what helps me is remembering the good times. It always cheered me up and revives their life in my mind (figure of speech). It might work for you. If not oh well.

[Rabbi106]

Hope of what? No, I'm serious, I'm not trying to be a pessimistic asshole here; what exactly are you thinking I'm hoping for? A resurrection?

What I'm trying to say is that there are still good people out there. I'm saying that you shouldn't lose hope for the human race.

[Mastersarge Redux]

I know how you feel Vic... shit like this comes to good people like my Uncle. Well he died in his sleep a couple years ago but I just can't imagine the world without him. Died right on the chair in my grandmother's house. He's been around the family for a long long time and it pained me to see him go.

He was a great reader, loved books, made me read up on books when I was I think 15. He's always so funny, very comedic and sarcastic that it always brings a smile to me. I was a wreck to find him dead.

The doctors who came to check him didn't so much as carry him into the ambulance. They just left him right on the floor and awaited for another car to arrive and pick up the body. We were courteous enough to stay in the house with my grandma, but I can't get the sight and thought of him out of my mind like that. But at least I was able to see him one last time.

He died before Christmas too, already set on getting me a gift. I wanted to give him one too. I always loved him, but I wasn't sure if I said it to him before. I might not get that chance, but I still love him and I bet he could feel it.

Vic, you love her a whole lot. She might have felt it. Don't think you can go on blaming yourself on anything. Cherish those memories, keep them, and remember the good memories you had.