Quote Originally Posted by Zolen View Post
I added a paragraph (to explain tribes/bands) and edited as you all pointed to (I had to ignore some parts either because they seemed awkward to throw in as what I already have, or is really not something you would hear from someone who is actually translating things like he is.) I do not have time right now to look into edits myself but will today after I get home (I am at collage.)



Taken them, may edit a bit later, it somewhat feels like a new level of awkward was added, but I might just be imagining it.

I tried to keep in past tense, but it can be a little hard sense I am doing some time jumping for this explanation of his childhood.

I hope to improve and thank you, I hope it does not sound greedy to hope for more help as time goes by.



Thank you.

Accepted what I thought worked, but yes, am confused why "the" would not be needed where you suggested.

But I thought Gazen was a awesome made up word.

As for the tribe/band thing I added a paragraph to explain it a bit, and I am not sure how to phrase the names other then:

Birthname- A name your parents gave you at birth, and treated as a middle name, normally its what name one would give to a stranger or distant friend.

Speach Name/colate- A name you give yourself, its the first word you say, and the name you would give to a close friend, relative, or the name you give someone who you considered a honorable enemy before you kill them.

There is no last name or name relating to direct birth since they tend to treat villages or towns as whole familys, if you want to know where someone "belongs" you ask them what their town is. Citys are a bit different in that rather then treat the town as a family, they have special organizations that they treat as family's. Unlike the family's of our reality for example, you can actually choose to leave a family entirely, moving away is treated the same way as if someone was banished or disowned. Also yes, they try to avoid incest, most unions are organized with different towns. Some rather then wait for the process of love and like and all that actually use "breeding contracts" in order to increase their own population if its low and will organize arena fights to the death if the population is becoming to high.
Now that paragraph is good
It isn't needed because it sounds better XD
Yes it's an awesome name but you repeat it like a parrot and that The Gizen is poking my eyes (Gazen isn't a thing, how would it sound if you put The Makin?).
Thanks for the name explanation.
You aren't greedy, I'll at least always try to help you