[Literature] Deletion Quality - Chapter 0

[Victory]

The Deletion Quality novel has been submitted into the Writing section and will continue to appear in there, so no more reading off the forum. Go check it out, if you haven't already and stay tunned for coming chapters :)

[Paperback Writer]

My favorite word in that is "pimp"...

[Mattbot]

Awesome, cant wait for the next chapter.

[ReptileKing]

Looking great! Cant wait for the chapter Im in :P

[Killervirus]

This is probably the best thing I've ever read, both English, Dutch and French. I read awsomely much, if you wondered.
I can't wait for the next chapter.

This is so great I don't even care if I'm in it or not :P

[CrazyLittleHamster]

It's good. I managed to spot a single misspelled word though.

BTW will this go into the writing section?

[Varthonai]

Damn, Vic, this is some good sh*t. Kind of like a mix of David Wong, J.D. Salinger and Mario Puzo.

I'm not just here to kiss ass, though. I do have some suggestions and some criticism.


1. My biggest problem was with Tawl's narrative. (Assuming that it really is Tawl, of course.) The events are slurred together, without much transition.

I realize that that's probably the point, of course. And I think you succeeded in your goal if it was. But I think that the dream-like quality of the narrative would be a lot better if there were some occasional shocking moments that bring the reader back into a lucid state. The way it's written now, it feels less like a dream, and more like a bad history teacher who you can't focus on.

On the other hand, maybe that's deliberate too... but in any case, I don't think it's effective.

2. My second-biggest problem was the lack of an abrupt change at the beginning of "Negative Amnesia." It should be clear from within the first 2 sentences that this is a different character. The writing styles at the end of "Minus 3º C" and the beginning of "Negative Amnesia" are too similar.

3. On a more specific note, I refer to the phrase "shirts with so many patterns that it could well be mistaken for a Rorschach test in color".

It's a nice metaphor, even semi-symbolic and thematic... but it's a bit of a non-sequitur. Rorschach tests aren't necessarily colorful (although they can be) and the distinguishing features of a Rorschach test are that they are a) random, and b) always symmetric. Tie-dye hippie shirts usually aren't symmetric, and a group of them almost certainly wouldn't be.

4. You mention drugs a lot, but never what type of drug. The characteristics of a particular drug are very symbolic and always easy to use for literary significance. It's not a bad thing, per se, but it's definitely the absence of a good thing. A good thing that wouldn't take much trouble to put in. Plus, it's sort of surprising that you pay so much attention to the detail of your surroundings but you never identify drugs, even though the ability to do so would seem to be a big part of your job qualification.

5. Perhaps most importantly of all... I DIDN'T APPEAR IN THIS CHAPTER. Seriously, Vic, wtf? That is total bullsh*t! I should have had a 10-page section devoted to me! :mad3: (jk, jk of course.)


I give this segment of novel a 4.3 out of 5 on Varthonai's Literary Awesomeness-Determining scale.

[Victory]

Tawl's narrative is supposed to be a mess, it's written in such a way because Tawl has no idea what's going on. I know that it's vague but this is a prologue, not even a first chapter. I reckoned you would like this better than the three sentence explaination of what happened yesterday if I started directly on the first chapter.

Also, since it's written a bit in narrating it's a bit closer to a first person perspective than a third perspective. I'm trying to explain what the character experiences and how he experiences it. Like Tawl struggling to keep himself awake while trying to sort out everything that is happening to him. Kind of like how if you're lost in your thoughts while walking somewhere and suddenly realize you've walked too far - completely lost in your own world.

Oh, and the Rorscach test in color thing; it's more of a personal opinion; a subjective view point. I think you probably took it too serious, it's meant as one of those half witty remarks just for giggles :P

The term Neggative Amnesia suggests that he has not actually forgotten anything. He is rather confused and swarmed with thoughts, enough to break him down. This way he still remembers where he lives, for instance.

I know the simular styles are problematic. In fact, I've asked alot of people if the two chapters clash. Perhaps I should've asked someone with more literary experience because so far I had gotten possitive comments and decided to leave it there.

The drugs will take a deeper part in the story; more in detail as well.

If by chance I rewrite it after the whole thing is done, just for giggles and laughs, I'll make sure to keep your points in mind Varth.

Keep in mind that this is an entirely new style of writing for me for errors are bound to happen - I'm still working on it. In general, though, I hope it's not so much that the novel won't be enjoyable.

As a matter of fact, I was intending on having you in the prologue, Varth, but I couldn't get it to fit the timeline - sketchy as it is already


It's good. I managed to spot a single misspelled word though.

BTW will this go into the writing section?

Yeah, I think I spotted an S' that doesn't belong somewhere. I'm uncertain whether I fixed it.

But yes, this probably will go into the writing section, just for conveniance.

[Andrehydra]

Woah, Victory, nice job!

Really can't wait for the next one.

[Oscar]

Great job Vic. Looking forward to your next

[Coollady]

That was good, Vic. Keep it up. :)

[atreides]

'Twas marvelous my friend.
I'm in deep anticipation for the next one, so hurry up and write! :D

[teletubie]

Keep em coming!
It was realy interesting to read.
If you do imaginative writing coursework in school hand that in!
I want more! you need to put it all in a Big PDF or Alternate, when its done.

[Rockonman]

Looking great! Cant wait for the chapter Im in :P

Haha, same here.

[Silence]

That. Was. Amazing. You really need to write more. I only have two complaints: You write pretty d-mn slow, and I'm not in it.

[Varthonai]

Kinda been a while since we've had an update here, isn't it?

When can we expect the next chapter, Vic? Days? Weeks? Months? Years? Decades?










...centuries?






...millenia?

[Killing_Time]

Awh respect the author! It takes time to write a piece of quality work. Besides, he may have other things he needs to take care of first.

Really awesome stuff, Vic. -- Though I believe I've already told you that a dozen of times. :P

[Varthonai]

When thousands of people shout "When's Repercussions coming out?" in chorus, is that disrespect or is it anticipation and curiosity?

And hey, Repercussions at least has an (approximate) release date.

I understand Vic probably has a lot to do; that shouldn't mean we have to be left totally in the dark though. It's easier to wait when you know the wait won't be indefinite.